Size 14 Is Not Fat Either: Review Haiku

Is this where we'll find
Britney: crime-solving dorm chief?
One can only hope.

Size 14 Is Not Fat Either by Meg Cabot. Avon, 2006, 344 pages.

Three Bags Full: Review Haiku

Sheep find the baaaaaaad guy.
(Sorry, I couldn't resist.)
Not fluffy: profound.

Three Bags Full: A Sheep Detective Story by Leonie Swann. Translated by Anthea Bell. Flying Dolphin, 2007, 341 pages.

Where have you been, young lady

What I've been doing in the last week that is not blogging:

• Escorting the Munchkin to preschool
• Overseeing two seven-hour portrait sessions for the new photo directory at church
• Presiding over a board meeting
• Starting but not having time to finish Three Bags Full
• Proofreading for money
• Visiting the Boston Children's Museum, which is made of awesome
• Listening to William Golding read Lord of the Flies in a terribly amusing British accent
• Entertaining my visiting parents
• Watching the Red Sox assume their destiny of September suckage (P.S. Yankees suck)
• Messing up a Christmas order with BN.com and swearing repeatedly in several colorful languages when their "customer service" options are entirely unhelpful (P.S. I hate you, BN.com, so no link to you)

It's weeks like these that make me question my decision to create a blog of book reviews, since its very existence is dependent on my having time to read. More soon, really.

The Aurora County All-Stars: Review Haiku

Aurora County:
where there always has to be
a happy ending.

The Aurora County All-Stars by Deborah Wiles. Harcourt, 2007, 242 pages.

Now with more cowbell

Lookee here! I shelled out the big bucks and now have my very own domain. Please redirect your links (I know there are millions of you out there) to http://www.emilyreads.com/.

Dude, I am bathed in coolness.

The Iliad: Review Haiku

D'oh! Homer, I tried;
but pierced eyeballs don't thrill me.
Better luck next time?

The Iliad by Homer. Translated by Robert Fagles. Penguin, 1990, 704 pages.

#20 on The LIST.

Just like graffiti

I decided enter the Web 2.0 revolution and start tagging my posts. I'm not wild about the way they look -- those huge white panels on an otherwise lovely page -- but I can't seem to change the color.

The tags are pretty basic and may not be interesting to anyone but me, but it's amusing, at least, to note that I've read almost twice as many MG/YA books (126 combined) as adult books (75), and three times as much fiction (142) as nonfiction (49). I've loved way more books (35) than I hated (10), but when you add in the books I was just meh about (26), the two reactions are equivalent.

Just about ready to abandon The Iliad, by the way . . . I just don't have the stomach for thousands of lines of disemboweling and eyeball-stabbing, I guess. I'll keep trying for another couple books.

Parrotfish: Review Haiku

The problem novel,
millienial-style: earnest,
if optimistic.

Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger. S&S, 2007, 294 pages.

What My Girlfriend Doesn't Know: Review Haiku

Ah, to be fourteen:
a body full of hormones
and a mind confused.

What My Girlfriend Doesn't Know by Sonya Sones. S&S, 2007, 219 pages.

The Wednesday Wars: Review Haiku

It's got "award bait"
written all over it, folks.
P.S. Yankees suck.

The Wednesday Wars by Gary D. Schmidt. Clarion, 2007, 264 pages.

A Wrinkle in Time: Review Haiku

Never have I felt
so smart, so dumb, so Christian
all at the same time.

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. FSG, 1962, 212 pages.

Listened to on a Playaway device.

#19 on The LIST.

My Mother the Cheerleader: Review Haiku

Limited portrait
of integration-era
New Orleans. Tough stuff.

My Mother the Cheerleader by Robert Sharenow. Harper, 2007, 304 pages.

Slogging through The Iliad

Boys and swords, angry gods, women as chattel, Greek Guy #1 led the army of Greek Place #24, featuring the noble warriors Greek Guy #96 son of Greek Guy #126 . . .

Egad. Hera, give me strength.

First Daughter: Extreme American Makeover: Review Haiku

The way politics
should be. But I have to ask:
is she too perfect?

First Daughter: Extreme American Makeover by Mitali Perkins. Dutton, 2007, 192 pages.

Hatchet: Review Haiku

Brian demonstrates
survival of the fittest.
(I won't even camp.)

Hatchet by Gary Paulsen. 189 pages.

# 18 on The LIST.

Love Is a Many-Trousered Thing: Review Haiku

Snogosity is
getting old; still, "the cakeshop
of love" is brilliant.

Love Is a Many-Trousered Thing by Louise Rennison. Harper, 2007, 288 pages.

Middle School Is Worse than Meatloaf: Review Haiku

A tour-de-force of
ethnographic research! (A
nightmare to proofread.)

Middle School Is Worse than Meatloaf: A Year Told Through Stuff by Jennifer L. Holm. Atheneum/Ginee Seo, 2007, 126 pages.

Evil Genius: Review Haiku

Expected hijinks,
X-Men style; got a darker,
sadder book instead.

Evil Genius by Catherine Jinks. Harcourt, 2007, 496 pages.

The Elements of Style: Review Haiku

Strict, graceful, fussy:
Classic primer states the rules.
I've broken them all.

The Elements of Style (Illustrated) by William Strunk, Jr., and E.B. White, illustrated by Maira Kalman. Penguin, 2005, 145 pages.

Madame Bovary: Review Haiku

Oh, good God, woman,
just go get a vibrator.
Useless bourgeoisie.

Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert. Modern Library, 1957 (orig. 1857), 400 pages.

#17 on The LIST.

Vacation roundup

Six books, 1500 pages*, one new tooth (him), and approximately 743 jumps off the diving board (her). Good times.

*Woulda been seven and 1900 if I could finish Madame Friggin' Bovary . . .

Wringer: Review Haiku

To be a wringer!
Palmer can't imagine worse.
He'd rather be Bert.

Wringer by Jerry Spinelli. Harper, 1997, 229 pages.

#16 on The LIST.

The Secrets of Peaches: Review Haiku

Ah, summer chick lit:

Traveling Pants without pants.

Peachy nothingness.

The Secrets of Peaches by Jodi Lynn Anderson. Harper/Alloy, 2007, 297 pages.

Fahrenheit 451: Review Haiku

In nightmare future,
"Burn, baby, burn" is the law.
Montag fights the fire.

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. S&S, 1951, 190 pages.

#15 on The LIST.

The Rising Star of Rusty Nail: Review Haiku

Fortiss-iss-imo!
Franny and Commie in a
three-part invention.

The Rising Star of Rusty Nail by Lesley M. M. Blume. Knopf, 2007, 270 pages.

On the Road: Review Haiku

They gave these aimless,

jobless, shiftless, drunk junkies
drivers' licenses?

On the Road by Jack Kerouac. Viking, 1957, 293 pages.

#14 on The LIST.

I Am the Cheese: Review Haiku

Cormier, master
of intrigue: gives new meaning
to, "Cheese it! The Feds!"

I Am the Cheese by Robert Cormier. Dell, 1977, 221 pages.

#13 on The LIST.

I Am Not Joey Pigza: Review Haiku

Call DCFS!
Get pal Joey away from
his superflake dad!

I Am Not Joey Pigza by Jack Gantos. FSG, 2007, 224 pages.

Note: Off to the beach for a weeklong vacation. Lots of reading, probably little posting.

I hereby relinquish my haiku crown

HP7, in haiku. (Warning: spoilers a-plenty, though they're poetic.)

Does My Head Look Big in This? Review Haiku

Love the concept, but
message heavy-handed, voice
After-School Special.

Does My Head Look Big in This? by Randa Adbel-Fattah. Orchard, 2007, 360 pages.

Apropo of nothing: I'm not sure whether to be proud or alarmed that I'm the only one who seems to have finished/reviewed HP7 yesterday. Where are the rest of you? No one else I know has finished it, and I'M DYING TO TALK ABOUT IT!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Review Haiku

That, Mr. Snicket,
is what I call an ending.
I couldn't believe --

Oh, sorry, I ran out of syllables.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J. K. Rowling. Scholastic, 2007, 759 pages.

Charlotte's Web: Review Haiku

"No one was with her
when she died." I'm sorry -- I
can't see the keyboard . . .

Charlotte's Web by E. B. White. Harper, 1952, 184 pages.

#12 on The LIST.

Does this mean Fuse and I are long-lost sisters?

You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you
see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense
of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an
ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You
could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of
people.


Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

Guess this means I have to read it next.

The Off Season: Review Haiku

Midwestern gumption
beats tragedy any time.
I heart D. J. Schwenk.

The Off Season by Catherine Gilbert Murdock. HMCo, 2007, 277 pages.

Princess on the Brink: Review Haiku

Dear Ms. Meg Cabot:
Why, oh why can't I quit you?
Nice sex message, though.

Princess on the Brink: Princess Diaries, Volume 8. Harper, 2006, 256 pages.

Rabbit, Run: Review Haiku

Tried fifty pages
until it was obvious:
Updike hates women.

Rabbit, Run by John Updike. Knopf, 1960, 320 pages, of which I read 54.

#11 on The LIST.

(P.S. 200th post!)

Decline and Fall: Review Haiku

Absurdity, the
upper-class way. Don't look for
morals, chum; just laugh.

Decline and Fall by Evelyn Waugh. Little Brown, 1928, 293 pages.

#10 on The LIST. (Hooray! One-fifth of the way through the list, only three months into . . . oh, wait, that sucks.)

Bridge to Terabithia: Review Haiku

The truest, saddest
portrait of childhood grief. Hail,
Terabithia.

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson. Avon, 1978, 160 pages.

#9 on The LIST.

Listened to on a Playaway device until the middle of the last chapter, when the battery died and I couldn't figure out how to open the case to replace it.

Converting Kate: Review Haiku

Childhood circumscribed
by fundamentalism;
yet Kate still has guts.

Converting Kate by Beckie Weinheimer. Viking, 2007, 312 pages.

Dude, I must be an A-list blogger now

. . . because suddenly I'm getting comment spam. Can't seem to delete it, though I'll keep trying.

The Federalist Papers: Review Haiku

"Justice is the end
of government." Our prescient
founders said it best.

The Federalist Papers by James Madison, Alexander Hamilton, and John Jay. First published 1788. Bantam, 1982, 624 pages.

#8 on The LIST.

Happy Independence Day! (And yes, I totally cheated and didn't read them all. But I did read numbers 10, 51, 67, 68, and 69, which my husband the gov jock told me* are the most important. So sue me.)

*There. Bite me, honey.

The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing: Review Haiku

Expectations: low.
First two hundred pages: meh.
But oh -- that ending!

The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, Traitor to the Nation: Volume I, The Pox Party by M. T. Anderson. Candlewick, 2006, 351 pages.

#7 on The LIST.

Jack Plank Tells Tales: Review Haiku

Natalie Babbit
can do no wrong. Still, this one
feels a bit bloodless.

Jack Plank Tells Tales by Natalie Babbit. Michael diCapua (FSG), 2007, 128 pages.

Heh.

Apparently my only problem words are "kill" (used twice) and "suck" (used once, but I think they're not counting correctly).

So Totally Emily Ebers: Review Haiku

Setting aside the
thrice-told tale bit, this is a
funny, real-world read.

So Totally Emily Ebers by Lisa Yee. Scholastic, 2007, 280 pages.

The Plain Janes: Review Haiku

Is it wrong to com-
plain, in this format, that too
much is left unsaid?

The Plain Janes by Cecil Castellucci and Jim Rugg. Minx, 2007, 176 pages.

Pants on Fire: Review Haiku

This one's earthy, chaste
(sort of). But after a while,
they all sound the same.

Pants on Fire by Meg Cabot. Harper, 2007, 260 pages.

Bad Tickets: Review Haiku

Hail, Mary Margaret,
full of grace: the Lord's with thee,
but trouble is, too.

Bad Tickets by Kathleen O'Dell. Knopf, 2007, 231 pages.

The Good Husband of Zebra Drive: Review Haiku

Sometimes change can be
a blessing. But sometimes it's
best to just have tea.

The Good Husband of Zebra Drive by Alexander McCall Smith. Pantheon, 2007, 213 pages.

Lean Mean Thirteen: Review Haiku

Toaster bombs, stuffed cats,
and the cable company
(those f**kers). Fun stuff.

Lean Mean Thirteen by Janet Evanovich. St. Martin's, 2007, 320 pages.

Ant Farm: Review Haiku

Lampoon boy makes good,
follows dad's footsteps, writes book.
Nice bathroom reading.

Ant Farm and Other Desperate Situations by Simon Rich. Random, 2007, 139 pages.

The Outsiders: Review Haiku

Groundbreaking, it was:
class warfare for teenagers.
Now, it just seems quaint.

The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton. Puffin, 1967, 180 pages.

#6 on The LIST. Listened to on a Playaway device.

The Three-Martini Family Vacation: Review Haiku

Not so much trip guide
as kick in parental pants.
Pass the gin, Junior.

The Three-Martini Family Vacation: A Field Guide to Intrepid Parenting by Christie Mellor. Chronicle, 2007, 144 pages.

But the Munchkin says I'm Cookie Monster

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them! You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Note: Currently reading Sara Miles's Take This Bread and not liking it as much as I thought I would. Maybe I have read too many liberal Episcopal female spiritual journey memoirs. . . Also, jealous of everyone who participated in the 48-Hour Book Challenge. Next year, I swear.

A View from Saturday: Review Haiku

Idealized, maybe;
but rich and warm as a fresh
cuppa tea. Kind Souls.

A View from Saturday by E. L. Konigsburg. Aladdin, 1998, 176 pages.

#5 on The LIST.

Boston Globe/Horn Book Award Winners

Read 'em and weep.

Congratulations to Cybils judge Loree Griffin Burns, whose Tracking Trash was named a nonfiction honor book. Heckuva debut, Loree!

Sins of the Fathers: Review Haiku

Take three Our Fathers
and three pretty messed-up kids;
then pray for them all.

Sins of the Fathers by Chris Lynch. Harper, 2007, 232 pages.

The Rules for Hearts: Review Haiku

Dysfunction junction!
The Real World with iambic
pentameter. Nice!

The Rules for Hearts by Sara Ryan. Viking, 2007, 222 pages.